remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize