Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
