i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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