Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
