DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
