i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
