who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
