oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i just google imaged poop.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
