He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I've blown a few things in my day
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
