PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
