i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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