it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
