I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize