you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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