He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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