She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
