if you like me you must not know who I am
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
