i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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