Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You may now shotgun with the bride
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
