Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
