your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
