I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
