are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
