We won't sleep together?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Randomize
