my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Shitshow foam night was such a success
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
