I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
