So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize