her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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