You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
