Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
