I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize