sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
