Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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