every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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