don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize