i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize