Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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