That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
