My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
