OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
