I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
