Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
