Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
