Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm so fucking centered right now
I want to stick my p in your. b.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
