the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
