My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
