The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
