apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
