you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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