i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
