this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
