Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
