Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
