So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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