Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The air was thick with penises
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
