Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
