He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
