Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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