I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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