Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
