That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
