Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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