Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
