okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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