dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
