Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(714): View more from California

she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one

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(843): View more from South Carolina

I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.

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(530): View more from California

He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.

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(303): View more from Colorado

I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight

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(210): View more from Texas

Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.

Fav 14 3534 1966
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(253): View more from Washington

Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...

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(512): View more from Texas

Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved

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(330): View more from Ohio

be the chaos you wish to see in the world...

(717): View more from Pennsylvania

i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text

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