Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
