Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
