dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
