we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
