The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
