Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I could make wine with my vomit
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
