Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
