Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
This house was built for laser tag.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
