If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Drunk is a universal language darling
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
