i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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