Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
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