Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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