If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
