im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
