What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
