You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
