I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
