New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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