Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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