He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
