So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
wakey wakey hands off snakey
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
