then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
