So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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