Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize