I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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