Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Swine flu. Run for my life!
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
