I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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