This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
