dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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