Me too!
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
