We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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