My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
