so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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