awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
