I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
