I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
we made out on top of his cat.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
