He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
